038 That One With All the Photos on Their Desk
The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori
influence-038-full-body-wag-change-your-state-01-audio
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This is Dr. Tori. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show where we make every day better and we influence for good.
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Have you ever seen someone’s desk where it’s loaded with photos? Photos of family members, maybe of pets, or people interacting with the pets, or trips they’ve taken. Maybe there are also knickknacks and little mementos scattered around. It can look really cluttered, right? You know, that lady at work or that guy at work—or maybe it’s even you.
What’s really interesting to me is that there have been multiple studies across different domains—everything from environmental psychology and human factors to well-being, even furniture manufacturers and pet therapy—that talk about the benefits of these things.
Now, there are downsides, but first, let’s go through some of the benefits. There is evidence suggesting an impact on stress reduction and emotional well-being, particularly when it comes to pets. They even have a name for it: the pet effect. There’s also an association with increased productivity and higher retention rates when people are allowed to have personal photos and items on their desks.
In some circles, though, there’s the perception that having family photos or personal items might seem unprofessional. It can potentially affect your professional image. It could also lead to distraction or even emotional triggers, especially if someone in the photo has passed away or if it’s a significant anniversary. Depending on how someone processes those emotions, it could go either way.
But when you look at the upsides—stress reduction, improved productivity, retention, emotional well-being, and even opportunities for social connection—the benefits are pretty compelling. Personal items and photos can be conversation starters, helping build connections with colleagues.
Of course, in recent years, with the rise of virtual and hybrid work environments, we’ve seen a shift. Many people now work in hotelling spaces, where you don’t necessarily own your desk—you just borrow a space for the day. This makes it harder to create that personal environment. As more workplaces transition back to in-office work, this challenge persists.
But why am I bringing this up? I’m bringing it up because we all have a tool in our pocket—or purse, or on our person—that can serve as an alternative: your phone. You can use your phone to create a similar effect and reap the benefits, provided it doesn’t lead to distraction. Let me explain.
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For a while, I ran a Care for the Caregiver program, supporting healthcare professionals like social workers, nurses, case managers, and doctors who were dealing with high stress or needed peer support. One day, a social worker came to me for help with stress.
During our conversation, I always try to end on a positive note, so I asked her, “What excites you? What small joys do you have in your life?” She mentioned her dog—actually, she had multiple dogs—but one in particular lit her up. As she described her dog, I saw her whole demeanor change.
I asked, “What does he do when you come home? Does he do that full-body wag? You know, the kind where his whole body shakes back and forth, ears back, tail wagging, licking his lips, just thrilled to see you?”
She laughed and said, “Yes, exactly!”
I suggested, “When you go home tonight, record it. Capture your dog’s full-body wag on video. Then, before your next stressful meeting or call, watch that video for a few seconds. Change your state before you log in or walk into that meeting. Because when you change your state, you change who shows up.”
She came back a few months later and said, “You have no idea what this has done for my work, my well-being, and even my relationships.” She explained how she watches that video before tough meetings or calls, including those with her parents, with whom she had a strained relationship. She said it made a huge difference.
I’ve shared this advice with others too. For example, I once worked with someone navigating a malpractice case. They were extremely stressed, so I asked about their small joys—family, pets, travel, hobbies—and, again, a dog came up. I gave the same advice: record a meaningful moment and use it to reset your state.
This works for more than just pets. It can be videos of loved ones or meaningful memories. For example, I have a video of my youngest daughter crying as my oldest daughter holds her, trying to comfort her. No one could console her, so I made a silly noise with my lips. She stopped crying immediately and started imitating me—spitting, fumbling, and laughing. It was adorable, and we still watch that video. It instantly changes the mood in the room.
Even I use this technique. Once, I was about to give a keynote address during COVID when I received a text that someone close to me had unexpectedly passed away—just two minutes before I had to log in. My heart sank, and my mind started racing. I thought, “How can I do this keynote? I can’t show up like this.”
I realized I had three choices: cancel, show up and fail because of my emotional state, or change my state. I opened YouTube and found a clip of a late-night TV host whose smirk before his monologue always makes me laugh. I scrolled to that moment, watched it, and felt my mood shift. Then, I logged into the keynote and delivered it with the energy and focus the audience deserved.
The takeaway here is simple. Just like those photos on someone’s desk can reduce stress, increase productivity, and improve emotional well-being, you can deliberately create the same effect using your phone. Find a video or photo that means something to you and keep it handy. Before you log into a meeting, walk into a room, or even end your day, take a moment to change your state.
Because when you change your state, you change how you show up.
I hope you found this helpful.
I'll see you in the next episode.
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