Episode 036: The Opposite of Gratitude

The Influence Every Day Show with Dr. Ed Tori

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Dr. Ed Tori takes a counterintuitive look at gratitude by exploring its opposites and absences. While gratitude is often celebrated—especially during holidays and moments of reflection—its absence or opposites, such as resentment, hold lessons just as powerful.

Dr. Tori dives deep into the corrosive nature of resentment, how it can quietly erode relationships, and why it often stems from unmet expectations or perceived injustices. He shares practical insights on identifying resentment, reframing our thoughts, and turning this festering emotion into an opportunity for self-awareness and growth.

Key Takeaways:

• Resentment is often rooted in perceived injustices, unmet expectations, or misapplied meanings.
• It is corrosive, compounding over time and impacting relationships, self-perception, and even physical and emotional well-being.
• Left unchecked, resentment acts like a “festering abscess” that must be drained to restore harmony in relationships.
• However, resentment can also have a positive intent, revealing your core values, motivating change, and pushing you to address unmet needs or boundaries.

Highlights from the Episode:

• The Absence of Gratitude: How it feels when our contributions go unrecognized or unacknowledged.
• Two Opposites of Gratitude: Entitlement (the expectation of receiving) and resentment (the bitterness that grows from perceived injustice).
• Why Resentment Compounds: “Where attention goes, energy flows—and that thing grows.”
• Practical Strategies to Address Resentment:
• Use curiosity to uncover the root of your resentment.
• Evaluate the story you’re telling yourself about the situation.
• Ask, “What’s my role in this?” while holding space for self-compassion.
• Common Triggers for Resentment: Unequal workloads, unreciprocated effort, unacknowledged sacrifices, and perceived favoritism.

A Challenge for Listeners:

As you gather with family, friends, or colleagues during this season, ask yourself:

1. Do I feel resentment toward anyone in my circle?
2. What’s the root cause, and how can I address it constructively?

Your relationships are too important to let resentment fester. Start the conversation, reframe the narrative, and influence for good.

Closing Quote from Dr. Tori:

“Resentment can reveal your values, motivate you to change, and push you to have the hard conversations—but left unchecked, it’s an abscess that must be drained. Your relationships are too important to let resentment fester.”