011 Whine and Moan? Or Glad To Be Home? Your Choice

influence-011-glad-to-be-home-04-audio.mp3

One of our biggest problems in communication is that we tend to do things off-the-cuff, without planning, and without being very deliberate.

Imagine you've had an absolutely awful day and you're just arriving home now. You have a choice to make.

Start off complaining - detailing all of the things that went wrong... or
Start off being glad to be home - and maybe later getting to the details.

If you go in and you complaining, complaining, complaining, you're setting a context. You're shaping the environment. I promise you you'll have one type of evening.

But that's not the only response there is to an awful day. A far better response is to walk in after an awful day... All of the same stuff could have happened, maybe even worse. And when you walk in through that door and somebody asks, "Hey, how was your day?" Your response can be, "[Long sigh] Oh, let's just say I'm really glad to be home." Something like that. A completely different evening. I promise you. Same bad day. Perhaps even the same venting later, but a very different evening.

Why? Because being glad to be home is very different than barging in and complaining.

When you're glad to be home there's a sense of relief.
When you're glad to be home it's about them.
When you're glad to be home, you're present.

Now, it's not easy, especially if you had a tremendously awful day. What do YOU need to do to be glad to be home? What will it take?

Deep breathing exercises
Go for a walk
Pray
Meditate
Jot down a few things you're grateful for
Listen to your favorite song
Listen to some comedy
Think of a fond memory you shared with the person you're about to see
...whatever works for you

I actually have a little book that I keep where I write down one or two or three or five things that I'm grateful for about my wife. When I'm able to do that, it gets me centered. And guess what? If I can't even think of any in that moment after a difficult day, I'll start reading the ones I wrote before, and that gets me into a very different state.

When I walk in through that door, when I grab that doorknob, I am actually glad to be home. I'm not just glad to be away from work. I'm present. I'm glad to be with my wife. I'm glad to be with my kids. It's a very different evening.

My question to you is, after an awful day, what will it take for you to be glad to be home?

Whatever it is, DO IT.

Do whatever it takes for you to get into the optimum state. I'll tell you, the optimum state is not barging in complaining. That is not the optimum state anywhere. So what will it take for you to be glad to be home? Do that thing.

See https://www.InfluenceEverywhere.com for many more resources on influence, communication, relationships, and behavior change.

If you’re a busy professional who wants to have incredible success at work and at home (without neglecting those who matter most), then check out The Influence Playbook at https://www.influenceplaybookmonthly.com

Episode Transcript

011 Whine and Moan? Or Glad To Be Home? Your Choice

influence-011-glad-to-be-home-04-audio.mp3

This is Dr. Tori. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show where we make every day better and we influence for good.

One of our biggest problems in communication is that we tend to do things off-the-cuff, without planning, and without being very deliberate.

This is Dr. Tori with the Influence Every Day show today. We're going to go over what it's like when you've had an absolutely awful day and you're just arriving home now. In that moment, you have some options. You have some choices.

You've had an awful day. Perhaps you had arguments at work, maybe you under-performed, maybe someone else didn't deliver on something. Maybe you got into a shouting match or your job's on the line or someone cut you off or you got into an accident on the way home. Whatever it was, you had an awful day, and now you're about to walk into your home and let's say you have family there. And in the past you've walked in, you've stomped in, thrown your stuff down, and people ask how your day was and you start venting, unloading on all the awful stuff that happened that day. So if you go in and you start complaining, complaining, complaining, I promise you you'll have one type of evening.

But that's not the only response there is to an awful day. A far better response is to walk in after an awful day... All of the same stuff could have happened, maybe even worse. And when you walk in through that door and somebody asks, "Hey, how was your day?" Your response can be, "[Long sigh] Oh, let's just say I'm really glad to be home." "I'm really glad to be here with you." Something like that. A completely different evening. I promise you. Same bad day, same. Perhaps venting later, but a very different evening.

Why? Because being glad to be home is very different than walking through the door, barging in and complaining. Being glad to be home. What does it take for you to be glad to be home? By the way, when you're glad to be home it's about them. Otherwise, it's all about you. It's about your day. It's about how awful someone else was. It's about negativity and gossip and anger and frustration. But when you say I'm glad to be home, you make it about the people that are there. If you're going out with friends and you say, I'm just glad to be with you guys. You're making it about them. That is a far better evening, I promise you. So try it.

Now, it's not easy, especially if you had a tremendously awful day and you're about to walk in through your door. What do YOU need to do to be glad to be home? What will it take?

Sometimes I'll just. I'll sit in my car and just. Sometimes I'll pray. Sometimes I'll just reflect on the good qualities of the people in my house. Things I should be grateful for. I'll reflect on the good qualities in my spouse and my wife before I walk in. I'll sometimes I'll even write those down. I actually have a little book that I keep where I write down one or two or three or five things that I'm grateful for about my wife. When I'm able to do that, it gets me centered. And guess what? If I can't even think of any in that moment when I've had an awful day, I'll start reading the ones I wrote before, and that gets me into a very different state.

And then when I walk in through that door, when I grab that doorknob, I am actually glad to be home. I'm not just glad to be away from work. I'm present. I'm glad to be with my wife. I'm glad to be with my kids. It's a very different evening.

My question to you is, after an awful day, what will it take for you to be glad to be home? But whatever that is, do it. If it's stopping by and, you know, buying something for your wife or buying something for you, for yourself, your favorite cup of coffee or indulging in a food that you shouldn't eat, but you really feel like you should right now. Whatever it is, what does it take you to get into that state? Perhaps you turn off the car, turn off everything, and just sit there for a moment, take some deep breaths, take some deliberate, deep breaths, and be present for a moment. For someone else. It might be taking a few moments to pray. Maybe you have prayer beads and you use those things. Maybe you have an incantation or a meditation that you do whatever it takes for you. Do that thing. Sometimes there's a song that sort of conjures up a mood. Do that song from the past that gets you riled up.

Do whatever it takes for you to get into the optimum state, to enter that house. I'll tell you, the optimum state is not barging in complaining. That is not the optimum state anywhere. So what will it take for you to be glad to be home? Do that thing.

This is only the end of today's show if you let it be. Who needs to hear what you just heard? Go ahead and share it with them right now. The Influence Every Day podcast is free. We don't sell advertising space, so telling others is the best way to pay us back. But more importantly, it's the best way to pay it forward. If you enjoy today's podcast, take a moment to rate and review the show. Then check out the additional links and materials that go along with it. They offer more ways to take your influence, your impact, and your relationships to a whole new level. Now go forth and influence for good. Every day.

See https://www.InfluenceEverywhere.com for many more resources on influence, communication, relationships, and behavior change.

DR TORI .COM

011 Whine and Moan? Or Glad To Be Home? Your Choice

011 Whine and Moan? Or Glad To Be Home? Your Choice

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